shit i bought and liked no. 3: the year of our lord 2019

Shitters. We (why the hell am I saying we, this operation is clearly just me typing alone in my bedroom) took Memorial Day as an invitation to take my sweeeeet time with rec no. three, but I am back and better than ever before I was last week? …what can I say, it’s rough out there. HOWEVER, some mornings make me feel slightly less dejected about the state of the world/my life, and I owe it all to some shit I bought at a grocery store, so don’t ever let anyone tell you money can’t buy you happiness because that is some faux enlightened shit said by someone who is clearly not a young professional trying to make it and get paid and find love and be hot and get trash Republicans the fuck out of here in the year of our Lord 2019. Give me a moment to update my objective on LinkedIn. Anywho. Back to mornings. I am not quite a morning person, but I have always been a breakfast person. I love the foods—eggs! carbs! potatoes! (I know potatoes are a carb you narcs, just let me live). I love the time of day—when it’s bright but still kinda quiet, and it doesn’t seem chaotic enough yet to deny yourself a few minutes of ~me time~. I even love the coffee, despite the fact that I can’t tolerate caffeine and have been ordering decaf lattes—the most expensive, utterly useless form of bean water—since I had that realization approx eight years ago. But most of all, I absolutely fucking love pancakes. Now there are a lot of pancakes in this world, and like dogs, basically all of them are good. But for an at-home, party of one (or two, wink wink!!), quick little pancake stack, the Birch Benders Banana Paleo variety is a cut above the rest (Amazon, $7). (Their regular paleo pancakes are pretty delicious as well, even the Keto ones are good, but banana is my undisputed fave). The mix is surprisingly clean and #health-conscious—gluten-free, grain-free, no added sugar, a decent bit of protein, yada yada. And arguably as important, you don’t need to add a bunch of shit to the mix to make them—just water—meaning it takes approximately half a second to get from your pantry onto a pan and on with your life. I’m a little boring with my toppings—a little butter, a little Lakanto maple syrup (it’s an acquired taste, but sugar-free if you’re doing the diet thing), and sometimes a couple dairy-free choc chips (allergy-friendly brand + no breakouts after eating! A miracle!) make it into the batter, but tbh they’re pretty perfect no matter how you have them. All of this is to say that you can have a breakfast that feels and tastes indulgent in a weekend brunch minus the mimosas way in approximately five minutes (with a side of eggs too if you have a second pan), and it will make your morning (and by extension, your entire life) feel like less of a shitshow. What more could you ask for, really? 

Wanna know what I’m not asking for? To go to jail for not disclosing that I might make a $ or two if you use the links in this newsletter to buy things. So here I am, disclosing my shit. Cc: IRS, FTC, anyone else who could possibly want to lock me up for financial crimes. Know that I am being completely honest when I say I wish I knew how to do financial crimes, but alas, I do not. 

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