It’s the day before my week-long vacation is set to start. I have little to no will to do anything, which is why it is a monumental feat that this newsletter has made its way to you. Can I say the same about the newsletter I am being paid to send you by EOD for my JOB? Idk, I’m not done with it yet.
Anyways, you did not come here for my midday malaise—you came for this week’s shit, which I will humbly present to you after the following rant:
I hate body wash.
Most body washes out there… feel like they’re accomplishing absolutely nothing? From the nice shit (Kiehl’s in the now-forbidden E*****x locker rooms) to the drugstore stuff, I have never come across one that felt like it was actually doing it’s job and not dyed some weirdass color for no reason or scented to fucking death or just plain ineffective. And don’t get me started on sponges and loofahs and whatever else you people use to pretend like these products are accomplishing anything. Hate it all.
Seriously—what is a liquid with the consistency of dish soap gonna do for you? Your body isn’t a plate you’re rinsing with Palmolive because your shitty NYC apartment doesn’t come standard with a dishwasher. IT’S A WONDERLAND, GODDAMMIT.
(Sidenote: Pete Buttigieg has also picked this week to go public with his thoughts on soap. They are stupid and bad and some of the worst shit I’ve seen from his campaign. @Lis Smith come get your boy.)
Unfortunately, it has always seemed like the only alternative to body wash was bar soap a la Dove, which I hate even more, so I thought I was resigned to a life of body wash and never actually feeling 100% clean.
A few months back I was at my wit’s end over this incredibly distressing issue, and took my frustration to the one reliable place for when you need answers—Allure’s Best of Beauty. And you know what, they fucking delivered like the pros they are.
I snagged the Seaweed Bath Co. exfoliating body soap ($6) on their rec because I wanted something that was heavy-duty scrubby, but didn’t leave a lotion-y residue like most body washes (and because I’m a sucker for chic packaging). And, dear reader, I have never looked back.
It’s a charcoal bar with arabica coffee and cinnamon (the coffee’s the scrubby part, the cinnamon’s apparently for “skin elasticity”) and, most importantly, it is a DELIGHT. No post-shower residue, no intense/lingering scent, no slippery shit on the floor, no weird bathing accessories necessary, SO MUCH SCRUB. Plus, because of the charcoal, it looks very good on my shower caddy, which is very important because sooo many people are poking around there, you know?
Not sold yet? Let’s talk through the pros and cons here. Pros: You can exfoliate your whole body, minimize your risk of a debilitating shower fall, not smell like Axe or a nauseating bouquet, and feel cleansed of your sins for the first time in your life. Cons: If you’re not into it you might be out six bucks? Yea, I think I’m done here.
Alright fam (note: me saying fam is one of those things that’s gonna start as a bit but fully become a thing I do for real). What shit are you into lately? Anything cool? Anything I need to know about? SLIDE INTO THESE DMs (or just reply to the email like a normal person). Also, if someone brought you onto this wagon with a fwd, let’s make it offish? Sign up for all this shit at shitiboughtandliked.com. TTYL