Hello my sweet shitheads,
I have returned from vacation and want to die!
Though my dreams are being haunted by memories of Mauna Loa Cookies & Creme macadamia nuts (file under Shit I Bought and Ate and Fucking Loved), my only consolation (this week’s shit) has also made that illustrious list.
Remember week three’s pancake edition of this newsletter? I recently tried the Birch Benders Plant Protein Pancake Mix ($20/3) during a week I attempted to eat “plant-based” (the vegan rebrand, I guess?). Note: Unless you are actually a vegan it will probably be tough to eat that way during a debate week when you feel a primal need to shove the nearest cookie into your face every 35 minutes just to stay sane. BUT the vegan pancakes are GREAT, and if you’re vegan in need of protein or trying to eat fewer animal products or just into a three minute pancake breakfast situation, GET ON IT.
This week’s shit is not actually the new pancakes, but a pancake condiment, if you will (is butter a carb condiment?): Miyokos Creamery Vegan Butter. Holy shit it’s PHENOMENAL, and even if I didn’t mostly avoid dairy (apparently the ability to digest lactose as adults is mostly reserved for white people, which is why white supremacists were briefly into chugging gross ass whole milk??), it would be my butter of choice. It’s made primarily of coconut oil and cashews, but has the same texture as butter and a wildly addictive, almost nutty taste.
Apparently it bakes and browns the same way as real butter (cc: future participants in Crooked Media’s Second Annual “Pumptober” festivities), and I have had pancakes for four of the last six days just because they are such efficient vehicles for slathering this onto. Snag it at Sprouts or Whole Foods (not a TJ’s option, sadly), and if you try it in a real recipe (I love my pancakes, but adding water to a mix is in no world a “recipe”), please tell me how it goes.
Sidenote: After last edition’s soap rec, Jonathan (a loyal shitter/sculptor who makes some really cool stuff) alerted me to the existence of the Soap Saver ($5), designed to make you new bar soap owners’ lives even better. On behalf of him, YOU’RE WELCOME.
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