For the first time in history, “Shit I Bought” is the ONLY NEWSLETTER I WRITE. What is life if not newslettering all day? Snarky comment redacted bc ALL OF MY BOSSES READ THIS EMAIL. I’m kidding, so far it has consisted of a lot of ideas and meetings (good ones) and working with other people and taking my first lunch break in maybe two years. Is this how you guys live?? Wild!
Rest assured, shitters—this development does not mean Shit I Bought is going anywhere. No, no, no. I will certainly keep prodigiously blowing my Mint budgets on ungodly amounts of shit, and churning out primo content for you, the people.
I figured since it’s FINALLY FALL (lol it’s supposed to be 80 degrees today in LA, but ya totally—fall!) I would offer up some “fall faves,” if you will. I was gonna say this is a bit and no tolerable human being has “fall faves,” but on second thought, I definitely do. At this point, who knows where the bit stops and I begin? Is that something I shouldn’t be telling thousands of people on the internet? Hi #brands, did you see that? Thousands! This identity crisis can be monetized! Call me!
Instead of one piece of shit, today you will get THREE! Huge! A month from now when my broken brain sees my empty Shit I Bought Google doc and is fresh out of ideas, you now know why. Alas, a concern for another day.
- Lodge Cast Iron Skillet ($25) I’m sorry, if you don’t have a skillet yet, gtfoh and fix that right now (there’s a link—I’m serious, go). These are MADE for fall/winter foods and are way less expensive than you think they’d be. Skillet chicken, skillet rosemary potatoes, SKILLET COOKIES, skillet Trader Joe’s Cauliflower Gnocchi (which I stockpile in quantities of five+ bags at all times)—UGH. So good. They give you a crispy char and also the means to defend yourself against the murderer you think is in your home every time you hear a weird noise. For the skittish among us, I find it helpful to remind myself that no one is breaking into your home to murder you for no reason—I mean, except Amber Guyger… Maybe skillets are less multipurpose than I thought. Tip: This one comes with a handle cover which is NECESSARY because these things stay hot forever. U welx (part of a different bit, I think).
- Shearling Birkenstocks ($145) Yes, I know these are a splurge, but I have owned them for five days days and they have already skyrocketed to the top of my favorite purchases. If regular Birkenstocks give off a suburban gardener mom vibe, these give a Brentwood Farmers Market goop mom vibe (but like, one who believes in vaccines). They are FUCKING PERFECTION. So soft. So chic. Perfect with straight leg jeans and an Olivia Pope sized glass of wine. And if that’s not enough, I’ll drop some names. Megan Gailey and Dana Schwartz of Hysteria fame stopped me on their way to record to ask about these, and I made Megan take a shoe off to try one on. Boom. Done. Sold. Without commission! My benevolence amazes me sometimes.
- Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Chocolate Chunk Oatmeal Cookie Mix ($4). If you are familiar with #pumptober, you know this is a completely foolproof mix that goes from box to cookie in 20 minutes (less if you’re not documenting the whole thing on Instagram). They are soft and chewy and salty and very well-spiced, and if you add some extra oats and chocolate (or nuts or raisins—whatever you’re into) they are pretty close to perfect. If I had a nice suburban life, I would bake these on Halloween and let the pumpkin spice waft through my house while I gave candy to small children. Since I do not have a nice suburban life, I will settle for eating way too many of these with my roommate while watching 13 Reasons Why—a bad show that has only gotten worse (but Justin Foley could still get it).
That’s it, my “fall faves.” Am I insufferable yet? Don’t answer that. You know what you can answer though? My humble request for Halloween ideas. I had a few good thoughts but none are particularly executable (unless you can get me a knockoff of J.Lo’s Versace dress and a knockoff of J.Lo’s body). Sos.
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