shit i bought and liked no. 18: bernie is a nice man

Shitters! Profuse apologies are annoying, but I really am sorry for the extended hiatus. I had a bunch of good suggestions lined up for your holiday gifting, but looks like your office White Elephant will just have to wait until next year for a Clapper

I have no real excuse for my absence—just buying tons of shit, stalking Joanna Czech’s Instagram, and thinking about how I really should’ve gotten around to writing this, despite never actually doing it. See! Writers on the internet—they’re just like you! Now you can’t hate me. That’s a lie—have you seen the Bernie people on the Internet? (To be fair, I wrote this joke like two weeks ago when it was a bit more relevant, but it feels like it still works! Don’t ratio me, alright, Bernie is a nice man and I am a nice girl.) 

Moving on. 

This latest shit has a slightly ‘new year, new you vibe,’ which is cool because this year is already trash and no one cares about resolutions anymore. Love to do pre-writes! But a ~healthy habit~ I’ve been sticking to lately are my lil breakfast smoothies. Those, along with some AM meditation and a little journaling (LA #changed me, I know) have made my mornings quite nice these days. 

I know how that sounds—who tf has that kind of time—but tbh it is not a production. If I’m doing a quick meditation, all I need is a few mins. Sometimes I even stay lying down (especially if it’s cold). Unsure if that’s technically “allowed,” but it’s nice and helps on mornings when I don’t want to be awake quite yet. If I’m adding some writing time, that’s like a max of 10 mins. Maybe 15 on a weekend. I’d be lying if I said it happened every single AM, but so far into 2020 it’s been most, and I want to keep it up. This is where I’m gonna need your recs though—are we team Calm? Headspace? Something new and cool that I don’t know about? I’ve been doing a few meditations from my sweet Melissa Wood Health (#longleanlines amirite!!), but I could get on board with an app for some more variety. 

Ok, back to the shit. We are gathered here today to discuss the new love of my life, my Nutribullet. For years I had a Magic Bullet, which is basically a starter version of this single-serving blender. It got the job done (and was definitely cheaper) but this—wow, THIS. It’s life-changing. 

I’ve made a few splurges over the years that I’ve now come to regret (most of them are still hanging in my closet), but this is NOT ONE.It’s quick and powerful. You don’t have to hold it in place so it blends like you do with the Magic Bullet. You can wash the whole thing easily in a dishwasher, unlike the godforsaken Vitamix (which claims to be the wOrLd’S bEst bLEnDeR, but is actually just wildly inconvenient to clean and store). My only gripe is that the drinking lids they include for the blender cups aren’t the most secure, so I keep the bottles upright/out of my bag on my way to work. But even that is a non-issue if you use another bottle. 

Now, what you put into your smoothies is completely up to you (will take your recs/recipes on this any day), but a spinach + chocolate protein combo hasn’t let me down yet. Just don’t buy a whey powder because dairy will fuck most people up, and I wish that fate (and skin) upon none of you. 

Ok—that really wasn’t so hard when I just sat down and wrote. Guess I’m back in the writing game again! And before I forget, send me those protein and meditation recs, and forget about the fact that I sound like a high school football coach trying to get his team of meatheads to do some mindfulness. 

Aaaaand break.

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